Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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