There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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