I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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