I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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