you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
