I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
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You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My bed smells like the plague
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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