The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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