the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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