yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
