fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Let's get the cat blown out
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
