Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
