fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
