Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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