my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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