my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
