just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
