Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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