LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
