I just made out with a guy for $7.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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