nut hugger
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
you had me at cake vodka
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
