woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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