I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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