I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
