You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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