I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
