dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
