so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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