Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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