quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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