1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Come back. Shots need mouths.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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