i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
