Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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