drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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