Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
