Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
