please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
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Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
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I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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