I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You had me at "let me see your balls"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
