$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
