Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
