I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
