dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
