I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
