the day after is always just damage control
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I need a burrito and a hug.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
