the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
