I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.