My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?