ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked