I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.