3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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