Your face is a jimmy john
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
