i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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