Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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