He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
