On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
