rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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