Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
