We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
