Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
