Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
