omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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