I wish my penis had an off switch
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
