Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
