I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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