And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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