Its about making memories worth repressing
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
