ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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