8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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