Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
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I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
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The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
FUCK WHALES
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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