Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
