I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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