I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
