Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
