chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
