I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
