No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
