yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
