How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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