Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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