I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
